The Joy of Perpetual Guidance

When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn~ Harriet Beecher Stowe

There is a saying about coming out of the fire of troubles…you either will be consumed and turn to cinder or be forged in strength and erupt into a star.

Recently, I have attended a two day workshop on human trafficking, which I will be writing about in a future post. I was asked by the event organizer, Steven Baileys to speak and close the intense series of presentations. I had no slide shows or power points, yet what I gave, was an insight to my experiences. My words, shone a light on the hole that threatened to consume me with despair. Everyday, I dealt with setbacks from a system that repeatedly told me, I neither belonged nor conformed. 

I stood in front of Police officers, Social workers and non-profit organizations, ripping off my mask to reveal- the actual face of poverty comes in all shapes.

Those I interacted with at the workshop had been immersed in conversation with TL Alton- the writer and advocate; unknown of my strife.

Later, I read these words in my Bible, which have been etched upon me:
  
No lower standard than My standard shall be yours. 

All my lessons could not be acquired without challenges and everything that happened to me was needed to teach me about triumphing over obstacles.

As a result of my difficulties, this December 12^th marking the five year anniversary of my daughter’s death, gave me fresh new lens to gaze out of. 

Likewise, my heart was graced with the compassion of people I knew and some I have never met. Within a span of 30 days, my tears formed a bridge over the hardship and because of my sorrow; I was able to escape a place that could have dragged me into hell.

Delicious breakfast a The Ruby- I was gifted a certificate by my friend, to cover all meals while at Hotel Zed!

Every writer's dream desk at Hotel Zed

May the Force be with you this holiday season!

The circle of adulation I received lifted my spirits and I knew the Lord would give me a chance to give back. Soon after, I was able to pay it forward in several ways. I had taken six ornaments from a tree for donation bags at Saanich Baptist Church, where I attend. It was blind faith that had me determined to fill them and it was the grace of God that I was able to return each one, bursting with gifts for peers. 

peers gift bags minus the one ornament taken from me

While attending a non-profit event, I met a woman who once was homeless. Her mother had passed away and this young lady was living in an RV. Having fallen on tough times, she no longer had any propane to heat her home. Through some research, I was able to connect her with a local church that was willing to buy the propane needed to give her back warmth.

As I write this, I think of the Randy’s in the world…a wounded spirit who had a lighthouse shining from within. He had spent 17 years living on solid concrete, tucked into bushes and places I shudder to imagine. He experienced stigma on many levels; being treated like a thieving, horrible person…he was anything but! A brother too many, Randy lived in constant fear of having his belongings stolen or succumbing to his addictions. He had a heart of gold and the day he was granted a little place, with his own mattress, he was exalted to feeling like a king!

Tragically, Randy fell as so many others do... like a million raindrops, into the cracks of our society. A long time ago, he kissed his cares goodbye and is now with his niece, up in Heaven. 

On December 12^th, I was suppose to spend it with my dear friend Judy. Her 21 yr old daughter Lindsay was born on the same day, my daughter died (years later). Sadly, in 2004, Lindsay was taken far too soon. This thread of bereavement saw us first meet and now we get together, several times throughout the year. Due to bad weather conditions, she was unable to travel from Campbell River.

The flowers and ornament I placed at Lindsay's grave for her mom, Judy

Yet I ended up seeing the hours of the day, unfold in beautiful ways. 

I had been booked at the luxurious Parkside Hotel and Spa. Gifted to me was this one night stay, to help ease the sorrow of the 12th. 

Penguin snow globe greeting me at hotel...Shayla always bought me gifts of penguins xo

I burst into tears as I thought how I had been lost in this city of angels- only to have the one that mattered- my beloved Shayla, fill my heart with a message of Hope. 

I was also blessed with the wonderful opportunity to house and pet sit for a dear friend I know, into the New year. Before moving to the Island, I travelled to various locations and took care of people’s lovely homes and their cherished pets. 

As this filament of grace was being unwoven, I felt like God took his hands and scooped up all of the struggles that had troubled me. 

Throughout this journey, the depth of my friendships with others has been revealed. Although I am redeemed, I have felt the anguish over the words of someone who said they could not save me! It was not ‘saving’ I really needed, as only my God can do such a thing, rather I needed to be supported in the only way I had asked…simply reading my words.

As I ‘prepared’ to face this December 12^th, I was greeted with marvelous victories over my grief. At the front counter of the hotel I was staying at, were candles that were for sale. My face lit up when I was told about a candle called “Sitka.” I thought about my book, Under the Sitka Tree and the amazing connection. I was able to purchase it and bring it to my room. 

As I was walking towards the elevator, I saw a tree with sparkling ornaments.

There was a write-up about the decorations.

 The Parkside Hotel & Spa is shaking things up again this year! You’re invited to take a journey through a living snow globe, all within the hotel’s atrium! Catch a snowflake to take home with you! The Parkside Hotel & Spa will feature beautifully decorated trees with all snowflake ornaments available for purchase by donation. All proceeds raised will go to The Cridge Centre for the Family. As a thank you for donating, all donors will be entered in a draw for a chance to win a complimentary stay at the hotel in the New Year! The Parkside Hotel & Spa has worked closely with The Cridge Centre for the Family for several years and the holiday season is the perfect time to help this great organization a little more. To participate, snowflake ornaments will be available for purchase by donation (minimum donation $15.00). All proceeds will go to The Cridge Centre for the Family. Charitable donation receipts will be available from The Cridge Centre for the Family on donations of $20.00 or more.

This made such perfect sense… that where I was now staying to commemorate my daughter’s sad anniversary would have a tie to The Cridge Centre for the Family. I gingerly took off two ornaments- one a snowflake in remembrance of Shayla and another, for Lindsay- which reminded me of a mother’s frozen tears. Making my donation, everything was coming full circle.

 Later in my room, I was greeted by the décor of a starfish and placed my bottle of wine amply titled: Twist of Fate. In the bathroom, I smiled when I saw a framed picture on the wall of pebbles and footprints in the sand. 

 In that instance, the waves of my grief were shifted into a motion of joy.

Later, I had a phenomenal meal at 10 Acres ~ The Kicthen Restaurant. I ordered my daughter’s favourite foods and laughed when I recalled in Disneyworld, how Shayla had boldly asked the chef if his Risotto was as good as Gordon Ramsey’s?

To end the night, I returned to The Parkside Hotel and took the elevator to their private theater. I had requested a favourite movie of Shayla's:
 “Pay It Forward.” There was no one inside and I had the delight of watching the film, all by myself. 

 

Afterwards, I put on my Betty Boop night gown. As I drifted off to sleep, I thought of how one of the worst days of my life, saw me overcome the unease of another anniversary passed…with new memories made and a hope for the future.  

Where you should be, next to me, I miss you so...

 By TL Alton